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All I need to know in life I learned from my horse Defining Horses Defining Horse Riders	Frequently heard comments from riders Horseshoes as Lucky Charms Horse Treat Recipes How to Read a "Horse for Sale" Ad	Natural Horsemanship Red Maple Alert Rules of the Barn Some common lines of weather lore

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A Horse's View of Natural Horsemanship Hello, my name is Flicka and my owner is a clinic junkie. Yes, it's true. She went thru her mid life crisis and came to the sale barn and bought me. I spent my whole life misbehaving and being passed from greenhorn to greenhorn till someone finally got smart and sent me to the sale barn. I was seriously hoping to be picked up by one of those show horse fellas so I could live in a fancy barn and stand around and look pretty, but they told me my butt's too small, my heads too big, and the crest on my neck from a bout with grass founder (thanks to owner number 2) is not desirable, and in general I was just not that capable of looking pretty, so I went home with Phyllis instead. She pets me and loves me, and in general I had a pretty good life at first. Then she heard about those guys who whisper to horses. Life has never been the same. First there was Pat. At Pat's clinic Phyllis learned to twirl a big stick and chase me around a round pen till I was wringing wet with sweat. Once I had quote 'calmed down' (I was never really fired up in the first place till that guy came at me with the stick like an idiot) she began learning to ride me with no bridle. Talk about giving an old spoiled horse an opportunity to have some fun! Initially I went along with it. I'd lope around the pen real nice like, and everyone would oooh and cooo over my 'natural horse' abilities. Then, just when everyone had gathered around to watch, I would see the SCARIEST!! (teeheeheehee) shadow in the history of scary shadows and switch directions and take off with my rider clinging terrified to my back. Every other horse on the place was envious of me because their owners would take them out back and beat them with that overpriced stick when no one was watching, but I knew my Phyllis would not. Eventually Philly (as I like to call her) gave up on the whole natural horse idea when Pat tried to talk her into jumping me without a bridle over some barrels. Off we went in search of another guru. In our search we found Monty. He threw a string at a horse and talked to the horse with winks and stares. I spent some time with his clinic horses. I saw the demonstration where an unbroken 2 year old became an overnight Reiner. Later I talked to the 2 year old. He was actually 5 and had been doing this same routine for about 5 clinics now. The first time Phyllis broke out the string I again, went along with it. Well, until she got tired of me stopping and looking at her like she was stupid. When she went to get herself a glass of water and refer to that chapter in Monty's book, I grabbed the string and chewed it to pieces. And this is how I got my Jolly ball! Then there was the Indian fella with a name I can't pronounce. To get the full effect of his clinic Philly painted stuff on my body and put feathers in my hair. I looked like I was in a costume class, but, hey, whatever floats your boat. I thought maybe at least with this guy we might get to play Indian pony games and have mock battles or something, but no. More round pen work and gimmicks. This time there was a fire in the middle of the round pen and they danced around it while praying that I would become a good horse and always mind my owner. He only took her for a couple thousand pelts and a bottle of firewater. There's been the Australian guy, training with a Boomerang while he hopped around like a kangaroo and called me his mate... 'Sorry fella, you’re cute and all but my mate has four legs. I just don't swing interspecies.' A horse psychic who told Phyllis my momma didn't lick me enough when I was born. A guy who used his hands like ears to talk to me and of course the touchy feely lady. I can't complain though, I've got an owner who loves me and has devoted her time to trying to make me a better horse. I really should behave, really, I should, but I think I am contributing to her youth by giving her a reason to take me to all these clinics. Maybe the next clinic will involve turning me out with the mustangs so I can find my inner wild stallion. Sincerely, Flicka

Horsey Treat Recipes Spring has sprung!  Time to breathe the fresh air and spend a great spring day with your horse!  In celebration of spring, prepare these cookies as a special treat for your favorite horse! Sweet Feed Cookies 1 cup sweet feed 2 cups bran 1 cup flax seed 4 lg. carrots, shredded 1 cup molasses 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 cup applesauce Preheat oven to 300^oF.  Mix molasses, brown sugar, carrots and applesauce in one bowl.  In another bowl, mix the dry ingredients.  Slowly combine the molasses mixture with the dry ingredients.  Add only enough molasses mixture to form a thick dough; add more bran if necessary.  Line cookie sheet with aluminum foil.  Using a tablespoon, drop batter onto cookie sheet and flatten slightly to form portions about the size of a silver dollar.  Bake for about one hour, flip and bake for an additional 45 minutes -- until they are dried out.  (Keep checking to make sure they don't burn.) Peppermint Surprise 1 1/4 cup old fashioned oatmeal mixed with 1/2 cup warm water Lots of molasses (?) 1 apple shredded 6 peppermints Mix all together ... put mixture into muffin cups; press one peppermint in the middle of each cup; and bake at 300 degrees for 20 minutes; let cool in muffin cups; take out when ready to serve; mixture should hold well. Makes 6 servings. Colorful Tasties 3 cups flour 2-4 drops food coloring 2 cups water 1/2 cup maple syrup or molasses 1/2 cup carrots or apples, chopped (optional) 2-3 drops peppermint oil 1 cup oats Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all the ingredients. Roll into balls or desired shape. Grease pan. Cook until lightly gold. Now you have a great treat for your little pony! Wind Song Horse Cookies 1 3/4 c. mixed grain (such as a corn, oats, and barley blend) 1 1/2 c. flour 3/4 c. unsweetened applesauce 2/3 c. dark brown sugar, packed 3 T. dark corn syrup egg white from 1 large egg (well beaten) Preheat oven to 375° F. Combine the grain and flour in a bowl and mix thoroughly. In a second, larger bowl, combine applesauce, brown sugar and corn syrup. Stir in egg white and then the dry mixture. Combine well. Drop by spoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets, leaving 2 inches of space between each. Bake for 12-14 minutes, until dark brown. Remove to a wire rack and cool. Yield about 25 cookies.

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Are horseshoes lucky charms? Americans of English and Irish descent prefer to display horseshoes upward; those of German, Austrian, Italian, Spanish, and Balkan descent generally hang them downward. People in some parts of Ireland and Britain believe that horseshoes must be turned upward or "the luck will run out." A horseshoe 'Pointing up' will gather your Luck, whereas 'Pointing down' it will shower you with luck. The power of the Horseshoe has been recognized since before the birth of Christ. We know that horseshoes were actually used by the Greeks as early as the 4th century B.C. Since horses were believed to be one of the most sacred of animals, their crescent-shaped shoes became symbols of good luck. Horseshoes are often nailed over the outside thresholds of houses and barns so that witches could not enter. Horseshoes are thought to protect and bring good luck. The Horseshoe is used as a protective talisman against not only the devil, but also against curses in general. And folklore claims that horseshoes can also protect one from malevolent faeries, since iron supposedly repels faeries - although it seems that this would keep away both good and evil faeries. Horseshoes are sometimes nailed over beds to ward off nightmares and prevent visits from incubi and succubi. Horseshoes are a symbol of good luck. It has associations with the strength and dependability of the horse, and, in upright position it is also symbolic of the moon. Pointing downwards, it is symbolic of the womb. The Horseshoe is also meant to protect one's house and land and to keep strangers away. To the Greeks it symbolized the crescent moon, which was regarded as a symbol of fertility. The modern association is more likely to be linked to a legendary tenth century Saint who trapped the Devil in a Horseshoe and as a result made him promise never to enter a Christian home marked by a Horseshoe hung above the door. Fishermen nail horseshoes to the masts of their boats to ensure lucky catches. And one of the most successful sailors of them all, Admiral Lord Nelson, had a Horseshoe nailed to the mast of his flagship, H.M.S. Victory, when he took on the Spanish and French fleets at the Battle of Trafalgar. Whether it did any good is open to question. Lord Nelson was killed in the battle, but this fleet was victorious and the H.M.S. Victory was saved. The Greeks and Romans nailed horseshoes to their walls to protect them from plagues. In the Middle Ages, horseshoes were often buried in the roots of an ash tree, which was considered among the luckiest of trees. It was believed that the branches of an ash growing around a Horseshoe needed only to be waved over the backs of cattle to instantly cure them of any ill.

Crusoe's Cookies 8 cups dry cob feed (corn, oats, barley mix) 3 cups ground carrots 1/2 cup corn oil 2 cups flour 2 cups molasses (use livestock grade from feed store - it's cheaper!) Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl until well mixed. Let stand for at least an hour (so the grain can absorb some of the moisture). Stir the mixture well. Drop by rounded teaspoonful on to a well oiled cookie sheet. Using your fingers and the teaspoon 'smoosh' the cookie into a round slightly flattened shape. Bake at 350° F for 12 to 18 minutes, depending on your oven. These will burn easily so be sure not to leave them in too long. I bake mine in a convection oven for 12 minutes and that's about perfect but you'll probably need to leave them in longer if you have a conventional oven. Put the cookies on racks to cool then store them in a tight container. This recipe makes between 6-9 dozen cookies depending on how big you want to make them! Steamed Oat Mash One of our horses' favorites served up on a cold winter morning! 1 or 2 T. salt A ration of rolled, crushed or crimped oats A few cut up carrots A few cut up apples 1 c. molasses or 2 T. linseed meal for extra taste Mix all ingredients in a feed bucket. Combine with suitable quantity of boiling water (completely soaked up by oats). Cover and let steam until cool enough to feed to your horse. (30-45 minutes preparation time). Variation: Use applesauce instead of apples and carrots. Bran Mash Especially good for pregnant mares during the late months of their term! 8 - 12 c. wheat bran 1 c. rolled, crushed or crimped oats 1/4 c. corn oil 1/4 c. molasses 1-1/2 to 2-1/2 c. boiling water 1 carrot, sliced 1 apple, sliced Combine bran and oats in feed bucket. Add boiling water to desired consistency. Stir in oil, molasses, carrot and apple. Cover and allow to sit. Serve when cool enough to feed.

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Rules of the barn 1. I am human. You are horse. What I say goes. Please take that into consideration when you are standing on my foot. 2. Spilled grain is not "fair game", especially when it is spilled in another horse's stall. It still belongs to that particular horse. You have no reason to go in and eat it. 3. Poop does not need to be hidden. I clean your stall every day. I will Find it. Do not hide it. 4. I do not need your help when I clean the barn, nor do I need your supervision, or even your presence. I have been cleaning the barn and stalls ever since you lived here. I know what I am doing. Standing at the door staring at me, will not make me clean faster. 5. There is no need to go into the barn and help yourself to the feed.? Meals Are given at specific times of the day. There is a feed schedule. You know the schedule. I know you know the schedule. You know that I know that you know the schedule. There is no need to help yourself. 6. Water buckets are not toys. Neither is the gate, pitchfork, and wheelbarrow, whatever is in the wheelbarrow, fence, or the occasional dog. 7. The wheel barrow is there for a reason. Please do not try to move it while I am cleaning your stall. 8. Just because I go into the Barn doesn't mean you automatically get food. There is other stuff in the barn. Stuff you don't want. Like de wormer and fly spray, shots, medicine. 9. Sheath cleaning will NOT be enjoyed...by anyone. 10. Water travels through the hose. If you are thirsty, do not stand on the hose. The water buckets will fill much faster. 11. Not everything has to be high drama. None of the following things will kill you: fly spray, plastic bags, balloons, hoses, chipmunks and other small rodents, or bright blue tarps. 12. Although I understand the nee d for you to go to the bathroom, it is not necessary to hold it in all day until the moment I finish cleaning your stall and put away the wheelbarrow. 13. Accidents happen. However, I'm not altogether sure you're not trying to kill yourself. Next time you decide to impale yourself on some sort of object, please try to do it when it's not hailing, midnight, the weekend, or Christmas. 14. While I appreciate your need to be clean, pooping in your water bucket does not make my job easier, and it deprives you of water. Please find a new spot. 15. Whinnying as loudly as you can in my face does not make me feed you any faster. 16. I have to wait patiently too while you are having your shoes tacked on. There is no need to bite me.

Apple Horse Cookies 1 c. sweet feed such as Omolene®, Country Horse, Wet COB (molasses mixed with corn, oats, barley) etc. 2 - 3 c. wheat bran 1 c. flax seed 1 T. salt 4 large apples, shredded 1 c. molasses 1/2 c. brown sugar 1 c. applesauce Mix molasses, brown sugar, apples and applesauce in bowl. Mix dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Gradually combine wet and dry ingredients together, only using enough of the wet ingredients to make thick dough. Add more bran if necessary. Line cookie sheet with foil and spray with oil. Drop batter onto cookie sheet in tablespoon amounts. Flatten with a fork. Bake slowly at 300° F. for 1 hour, turn cookies over and continue to bake for another 45 minutes until thoroughly dried. Reduce heat if cookies begin to brown excessively or to burn. Store in covered container or zip-locked plastic bag and dole out as special treats to your equine buddies. Horse Cookies Yummmmy in the horse's tummmy! This special treat is a quick and easy alternative to expensive horse treats found in feed and tack stores. These also make *perfect* gifts!! Ingredients: 2 Cups Brown Sugar Oatmeal (uncooked) Half Cup Grated Carrots 3 Tablespoons Molasses Half Cup Brown Sugar Water Instructions: In a large mixing bowl combine all of the above ingredients. Add enough water to form a soft dough. Mix well. Form cookies on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 365 F until golden brown and crisp. For gift giving, package in an attractive box or bag with a ribbon! Apple Pasture Muffins Here's a little something everyone can enjoy! It's certain your horse will eat them, no matter what you call them...but try inviting your friends over for some "pasture muffins".... Ingredients: 1 cup flour 1 cup wheat germ 1/2 tsp cinnamon 1/2 c white sugar 1/2 tsp salt 3 tsp Baking powder 1 egg 2/3 cup milk 1/4 cup corn oil 1 cup apples, chopped Instructions: Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease muffin tins and set aside. In large bowl, mix dry ingredients together and set aside. In separate bowl, mix remaining ingredients thoroughly, including apples Pour liquid ingredients into the dry ingredients. mix until everything is well moistened. Scoop into muffin tins and bake 15-20 min. Serve cool to horses and warm to people!!

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All I Need To Know In Life I Learned From My Horse When in doubt run far, far away. You can never have too many treats. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks. Ignore "cues" . . . they are just a prompt to do more work. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day, and then sleeping the rest. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help, too. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot. Act dumb when faced with a task you do not want to do. Follow the herd. That way, you cannot be singled out to take the blame. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

EZ Horse Cookies After all that stall cleaning, grooming and riding who has time to make horse treats? This one is easy! Ingredients: 1 cup carrots, grated 1 apple grated 2 tablespoons corn oil 1/4 cup molasses 1 tsp salt 1 cup rolled oats 1 cup flour Instructions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees, use a lightly oiled cookie sheet. In a large bowl, mix carrots, apple, corn oil and molasses together. Fold in salt, oats and flour until well mixed. Spread dough in one big piece on the cookie sheet. Score dough with a knife to make it easier to break apart after baking or if you're feeling energetic, use cookie cutters to make shapes. Let cool, break apart and serve! Apple Cookies 1 c. sweet feed 2-3 c. wheat bran 1 c. flax seed 1 T. salt 4 large apples, shredded 1/2 c. brown sugar 1 c. applesauce Mix molasses, brown sugar, apples, and applesauce in bowl. Mix dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Gradually combine wet and dry ingredients to make thick dough. Add more bran if necessary. Line cookie sheet with foil and spray with oil. Drop batter onto cookie sheet in tablespoon amounts. Flatten with fork. Bake slowly at 300° F for 1 hour, turn cookies over and continue baking for another 45 minutes until thoroughly dried. Reduce heat if cookies begin to brown excessively or burn. Store in covered container or zip locked plastic bag and dole out as special treats to your equine buddies. Recipe from Fruit From Washington Co.

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Red Maple Alert Caution is the watchword for horse owners when it comes to the Red Maple tree. If eaten, wilted Red Maple leaves are highly toxic to horses. The toxin destroys a horse’s erythrocytes (red blood cells), causing a rapidly progressing syndrome of lethargy and weakness, jaundice (yellow mucous membranes) and renal failure. With no known antidote and despite aggressive supportive therapy, most horses with Red Maple poisoning face a grave prognosis. Learn to identify Red Maple trees and eliminate your horse’s exposure to their fallen leaves. This includes Sunset Maples and the various Maple varieties with red leaves.

Horsey Mr. Bigs Very yummy sounding recipe with carrots, treats and molasses! Your horse will love you!! First you have to make these grain treats and let them cool before you make the rest of it. I usually make them a day ahead. Grain treats ingredients: 2 cups oats 1 cup molasses 1/2 chopped apple 1/4 cup water Instructions: Mix everything together until sticky. make foil rectangles on a baking sheet and pour your mixture into them. bake at 425 degrees F for about 10 minutes. Leave treats in the oven until they are cool and hard. Ingredients: grain treats molasses Cheerios Break the cherrios into pieces but dont smash them into powder. Put your grain treats on a baking sheet and put a couple of cheerio pieces on each one. Pour molasses over top until its coated. Put it in the freezer until the molasses is hard and then put another coat of molasses on them. Then you put the bars in the freezer over night. Feed to your horse when they are still hard.

"Sure, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But if catching flies is a priority, nothing beats a dead possum."
(American Cowboy Magazine)

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Some common lines of weather lore If you hear an owl hoot in the daytime, a storm is approaching. When clouds look like rocks and towers, the earth will be refreshed by showers. When clouds look like chicken scratches or mare's tails it will soon rain. High clouds indicate fine weather will prevail; lower clouds mean rain. Smoke that curls downward and lingers means a nearing storm. Roosting birds indicate a storm, because thinning air is harder to fly in. If the rooster goes crowing to bed, he'll certainly rise with a watery head.

How to Read a "Horse for Sale" Ad http://www.smellshorsey.com/horse_people/index.html Here's the ad, more or less (this is from my imperfect memory -- I've underlined the parts I'm sure of; the rest is approximate): "8 yr old reg. gelding, chestnut, 4 stockings. Lovely mover. Very affectionate. Clips, loads, stands for farrier. Loves trail riding. Always ready to go. Gets along well with other horses. Suitable for any discipline. 30 days professional training. Child safe." Here's the truth, more or less: A local trainer (Jane) known for working with difficult/impossible horses gets a call from a former client. They've bought their daughter a new horse, and she can't ride him. They want to send him to Hell Camp for 30 days. So Jane takes him. The horse, though lovely, is very difficult. When Jane takes him trail riding, he tries to mount the mares while they are being ridden. He has a host of other problems, and Jane determines that he is "proud cut" (hasn't been completely gelded). When the 30 days are up, Jane admits defeat. "Send this horse back where you got him. You'll never be able to use him for your daughter. In fact, I'm not sure anybody can use him." So the people returned the horse. When they checked the seller's web site later, they found the ad for their horse, as written above. It is true that he had 30 days of professional training (where he flunked out). It is true that he loves trail riding (especially if there are any pretty mares to mount). It is true that he is lovely. But he will never, ever be child safe. Sometimes you have to read between the lines.

Did you know ? www.equine.com

“A new horse search is begun every second on Equine.com, and approximately one horse is sold every 29 minutes,” said Bromagem. “With more than 55,000 horses available for sale, stud or lease every day, there is a massive global network of buyers and sellers looking to connect online. Equine.com alone gets more than 3.2 million visitors each month.”

http://www.pafarmnews.com/Articles/2008/080210_MS_buysellhorsesonline.htm

“Briefly, all training is this and nothing more; the legs to provoke action; the hands to direct it”. E. Beudant

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Defining Horse Riders Natural Horsemanship devotee looks like a throwback from a Texas ranch, despite the fact that he grew up in the suburbs of NJ. Rope coiled loosely in hand (don't want to send any messages of tension, after all in case he needs to herd any of those kids on roller blades away from his/her F-350 dually in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Cowboy hat is strategically placed, and just soiled enough to be cool. Wranglers are well worn, with that little wrinkle above the instep of the ropers, and lots of dust, well, you know, from the round pen on the lower legs. ***** Dressage Queen is freshly coifed. Not even she remembers her own hair color, but she has taken great pains to ensure that Rolfe, the hairdresser, makes the perm and highlights look "natural." Diamond studs are elegant and stately, and not so large that they blind the judge during the entire passage-piaffe tour. $30 denim jumper worn over $300 full seat white breeches and Koenigs. ***** Hunter/Jumper competitor is in an aqua polo and those breeches whose color could be compared to, um, well, okay, let's say they're khaki. The polo is so that folks will think they're a jumper rider until they put on their shirt and stock tie. Baseball cap is mandatory after a ride, in order to provide free advertising to that trainer's stable for whom they shell over a mere grand or so per month, and to hide "helmet head." ***** Eventer is slightly hunched over. This could be from carrying three saddles, three bridles, three bits, and all related color coordinated gear to every event, or it could possibly be a defensive posture where he/she is unconsciously protecting his/her wallet, which is, of course, nearly empty from buying three saddles, three bridles, three bits and all related color coordinated gear. Looked down on by the H/J's as "people who just run their horses at fences" and by the DQ's as "not real dressage riders." Eventers are smugly convinced that they are in fact the only people in the horse world who CAN ride, since the H/J's don't jump real fences and the DQ's don't ride real horses. ***** Endurance Addict is wearing Lycra tights in some neon color. Has not read the rule that Lycra is a privilege, not a right. The shinier, the better, so that they can find her body when her mount dumps her down (another) ravine. Wearing hiking sneakers of some sort and a smear of trail dirt on the cheek. Sporting one of the zillions of t-shirts she got for paying $75 to complete some other torturous ride. Socks may or may not match (each other). ***** Backyard Rider can be found wearing (in summer) shorts and bra, (in winter) flannel nightgown, buck boots, down jacket. Drives a Ford Tempo filled with dirty blankets and dog hair. Usually has deformed toes on the right foot from being stepped on in the Wal-Mart sneakers that are worn for riding. Roots need touching up to hide the grey. 2-horse bumper pull behind barn willed with sawdust and hay. Can be found trying to teach her horse to come in the kitchen to eat so she doesn't have to walk all the way to the barn.

Defining Horses Rusty is the quintessential Natural Horsemanship (NH) mount. Rescued from a situation where he was never initiated in the NH ways, he's learned to run down his owners at feeding time, knock children from his back under low hanging branches, and could even spit like a camel if provoked. The embezzlement has never been proven. The hospitalization tally for his handlers was twelve until he met Spherical Sam. After twelve minutes in the round pen, he is teaching algebra to high school freshmen, speaks three languages fluently, and can put on his own splint boots (with Spherical Sam's trademark logo embossed clearly). Fleistergeidelsprundheim ("Fleistergeidel" for short) is an 18-hand warmblood who was bred to make Grand Prix in a European nation where his breeders are still laughing hysterically when they talk about 'zat crazy American.' Despite being runty, his owner fell in love with his lofty gaits, proud carriage and tremendous athleticism. Never mind that this talent was not revealed until he was chased down by a rabid raccoon, and has not been repeated since. Has been injured 16 times in the last year, preventing his move to PSG at age 6, despite living in a 20' x 20' padded stall and providing family supporting wages to a groom whose chief job duty is "don't let him get hurt!" Neverbeenraced is a prime example of an American Thoroughbred. The coat is deep bay, no markings, the textbook TB head, and no unusual conformational characteristics. Perfect, just perfect. Overcame a near fatal flat in his Hunter/Jumper career when he learned that the plants in the jumps are NOT real, and therefore did not require him to stop and taste. Has learned to count strides all by himself, and asks in midair which lead his mistress would like today. Fastnhighasican is a Thoroughbred track reject who never won a single race - perfect eventer! He has two speeds, gallop and stop-n-dump, and they are used, at his discretion, for all three phases of eventing, although he has some creative variations of gallop to spice up that boring dressage. There is the gallop-down-center-line-and-rear, the gallop-depart-and-buck, the extended-out-of-hand-gallop, and, a favorite among spectators, the gallop-zigzag-pirouette in which the gallop is performed entirely while hopping on his hind legs. His favorite phase is cross-country where all obstacles regardless of size are jumped at the height of 5.5 feet, and because that is where he gets to employ his personal favorite movement, the stop-n-dump. This is the most fun when performed at cross-country water obstacles where his person invariably stands up soaking wet with murky, smelly water and threatens to sell him to Fleistergeidel's owner while he follows up with another fun gallop variation, the im-free-and-you-cant-catch-me-gallop, another crowd-pleaser. Al Kamar Raka Shazaam was often called "you bastard" until he found another as hyper as he, an endurance addict. Can spook at a blowing leaf, spin a 360 and not lose his big trot rhythm or give up an inch to the horse behind him. Has learned to eat, drink, pee and drop to his resting pulse rate on command. Has compiled 3,450 AERC miles, with his rider compiling 3,445 - those five miles being the ones he was chased down the trail after performing his trademark 360 turn, without said aforementioned rider. Snook'ums is the backyard rider's horse. Big head, the stride of a gerbil. Duct tape is holding a shoe on until farrier gets out next month. Has a little Quarter, Arab, Standardbred, Tennessee Walker, Shetland blood. Mane cut with scissors straight across. He's been there so long she forgot how she got him or where he came from. Frequently seen ambling around the yard. Been known to join family picnics on the back porch.

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Frequently heard comments from Natural Horsemanship Devotees:

"Well, shucks ma'am, tweren't nuthin'!"
"It's simple horsemanship."
"With this special twirly flickitat'em rope ($17.95 plus tax), you'll be round penning like me in no time."
"You silly human, that just ain't natural for a horse."


Frequently heard comments from Dressage Queens:

"On no, he's hurt again?!"
"The check is in the mail."
To Herr Germanlastname: "Can't you tune up those one tempis for me?"
To the groom: "Get me that mounting block, can't you see my nails are still wet?"
To the show manager: "That footing has ruined my chances at Olympic Gold in 2000, I'll have you know."
"What were you thinking, stabling me next to that nobody? That horse could be 'diseased'!"
To anyone who will listen: "When I had dinner with Hilda/Lendon/ Robert..."


Frequently heard comments from Hunter /Jumper Competitors

"Did you tell Neverbeenraced how many strides between fence four and fence five - I can never remember!"
"Is my butt sticking out enough when I post?"
"Oh no, I can't jump 2'6", my trainer will KILL me!"
"I can't wait to do jumpers with Neverbeenraced - then we can wear one of those tasseled ear covers!"

Frequently heard comments from Eventers

"I broke my collarbone/ribs/ankle again last week, but I'll be fine for the jog-up tomorrow."
"How do you get pond water out of saddle leather?"
"Did you see our show jumping where Fastnhighasican bounced the two stride combination?"
"Did you see our final gallop-down-center-line-and-rear? I think he is finally starting to relax in dressage."
"Oh, it's just a little concussion. Have you seen my horse?"

Frequently heard comments from Endurance Addicts

"Anyone have Advil?"
"Anyone have food? I think last year's Twinkies finally went bad."
"For this pain, I spend money?"
"Oh, I never bring hay or water to the vet checks - there's always plenty around."
"Quick, quick, did you look, was his pee okay?"
"Shazaam, you bastard - it's just a leaf” [thud] !

Frequently heard comments from Backyard Riders

"It's too hot/cold/wet/dry to ride."
"I used to show."
"Where's my Metamucil?"
"Has anyone seen Snook'ums? Last I saw he was across the road in the cornfield." "Here's a picture of Snook'ums when he was 43 years young!"
"Snook'ums stop slobbering on me."

Editor: The above article on Defining Horses and Riders and Frequently hear comments were found on the internet. The articles origin and author is unknown. The original author and his sense of horse humor are credited with this article.

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”They knew instinctively that a man on a horse is spiritually as well as physically bigger than a man on foot.” – John Steinbeck